Life is unpredictable for anyone, but especially for a LEOW. It is important to learn flexibility, something I am striving for every day.
Most who know me know I can be a little bit of a control freak. I like to plan out every single detail and prepare for every circumstance. However, the older I get, the more I realize very little is actually in my control. This pregnancy especially has been very unpredictable and forced me to stop and just allow things to take their course. This is perhaps one of the most difficult lessons I have learned.
As a Trooper wife, ever day is different. Russell often misses parties, appointments and just saying goodnight. Thankfully I have only found myself struggling with it on a few occasions and I really think they have to do with those pregnancy hormones, (anyone else know what that’s like?) I feel more badly for him missing than I do him not being with me. I usually save him food, cake or something else so he doesn’t completely miss out.
Recently, Russell worked a 16 hour shift but he hadn’t been able to call and let me know. I woke up in the middle of the night to him still not home, no missed calls, and no texts. I went into a full-blown panic and I am not proud to say that it really upset me! I felt fear creep in as I sat and waited for my phone to ring at 3:30am or that dreaded knock on the door. He finally was able to call and let me know he’d caught a case and just hadn’t had the chance to call. I was relieved and tried to go back to sleep. Unfortunately, my human side took over and it was one of the first moments I have felt frustration because of his job.
I really had to check myself because it is important to me as a LEO wife that he doesn’t face added stress when he walks through the door. I don’t want him to dread coming home because I can’t keep myself together. That was the first time I have really felt like I had failed as LEO spouse and I am striving every day not to cause a situation like that again! I know I can’t achieve perfection because I’m only human, but it is important to me to do my best with every shift and every circumstance we face to be supportive, loving, and understanding.
I have so much to learn and would love any advice any of you LEOWs might have!